HOW WE CAN ENCOURAGE CHILDREN

Encouragement is the most important aspect of child-raising. Dr. Draikurs claims that “A child needs encouragement as a plant needs sun and water.” The essence of encouragement is to increase the child’s confidence in himself and to convey to him that he is good enough as he is, not just as he might be.

It is all too common to find that our homes, classrooms and communities provide a series of discouraging experiences to many children and that all too often encouragement is given only to those who need it the least. We suggest that parents, teachers and all who deal with children keep in mind the following suggestions: (these apply in all human relationships).

· Avoid discouragement.
The feelings of inferiority which all humans experience must be overcome if we are to function optimally.

· Work for improvement, not perfection.
This goes for adults too!

· Commend Effort
One’s effort is more significant than one’s results.

· Separate the deed from the doer
One may reject the child’s actions without rejecting the child.

· Build on strengths, not weaknesses.
A misbehaving child has the power to defeat the adult. Give him credit for this.

· Show your trust in the child.
This must be sincere, so one must first learn to trust the child.

· Mistakes should not be viewed as failures.
We need to take away the stigma of failure.
Failure usually indicates lack of skill.
One’s worth is not dependant on success.

· Failure and defeat will only stimulate special effort when there remains the hope to eventual success.
They do not stimulate a deeply discouraged child who has lost all hopes of succeeding.

· Stimulate and lead the child, but do not try to push him ahead.
Let him move at his own speed.


· Remember that genuine happiness comes from self-sufficiency.
Children need to learn to take care of themselves.

· Integrate the child into the group, rather than treat him as “something special.”
Treating the child as “something special” increases his over-ambition. An over-ambitious child who cannot succeed usually switches to the useless side of life with “private logic”: “If I can’t be the best, I’ll at least be the worst.” Even more serious, he may give up altogether.

· Stimulating competition usually does not encourage children.
Those who see hope of winning may put forth extra effort, but the stress is on winning rather than on cooperation and contribution. The less competitive one is, the better is one able to stand competition.

· Remember that praise is not the same as encouragement.
Praise may have encouraging effect on some children, but praise often discourages and causes anxiety and fear. Some come to depend on praise and will perform only for recognition in ever-increasing amounts. Success accompanied by special praise for the result may make the child fear “I can never do it again!”

· Success is a by-product.
Preoccupation with the obligation to succeed is intimidating and the resulting fear and anxiety often contribute to failure. If one functions with the emphasis on what contribution he may make of how he may cooperate with others, success usually results.