ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOURS

Use feeling – talk

You can express your personal likes and interests spontaneously rather than stating things in neutral terms. You say “I like this soup” or “I love your blouse” rather than “This soup is good.” You can phrase “I feel” or “I think” when it is appropriate.

Talk about yourself

If you do something worthwhile and interesting, you can let your friends know about it. You don’t monopolize the conversation, but you can mention your accomplishments when it is appropriate.

Make greeting talk

You are outgoing and friendly with people you want to know better. You smile brightly and sound pleased to see them. You say “Well, Hello! How good to see you again.” Rather then softly mumbling “Hello” or nodding silently or looking embarrassed.

Accept compliments

You can accept compliments graciously (“Yes, I like this shirt, too”) rather than disagreeing with them (“Oh, this old thing”). You reward rather than punish your complimenter.

Use appropriate facial talk

Your facial expressions and voice inflections convey the same feelings your words are conveying. You can look people directly in the eye when conversing with them.

Disagree mildly

When you disagree with someone, you do not pretend to agree for the sake of keeping the peace. You can convey your disagreement mildly by looking away, or grimacing, or raising eyebrows, or shaking your head, or changing the topic of conversation.




Ask for clarification

If someone gives you garbled directions, instructions, or explanations, you can ask that person to restate them more clearly. Rather than going away confused and feeling dumb, you can say, “Your directions were not clear to me. Would you please go over them again?”

Ask why?

When you are asked to do something that does not seem reasonable or enjoyable, you can ask, “Why do you want to do that?”

Express active disagreement
When you disagree with someone and feel sure of your ground, you can express your disagreement by saying things like “I have a different view of that matter. My opinion is…” or “I think your opinion leaves out of consideration the following factors…”

Speak up for your rights

You do not let others take advantage of you when you feel put upon; you can say no persistently without feeling guilty. You can demand your rights and ask to be treated with fairness and justice. You can say: “I was next in line,” or “Excuse me, but you will have to leave as I have another appointment now,” or “Please turn down your radio,” or “You’re half an hour late for our appointment.” You can register your complaints firmly without blowing up.

Be persistent

If you have a legitimate complaint, you can continue to restate it despite resistance from the other party until you get satisfaction. You do not allow one or two no’s to cause you to give up.

Avoid justifying every opinion.

In discussion, if someone continually argues and asks you why, why, why, you can stop the questioning by refusing to go along, or by reflecting it back to the other person. You can state simply, “That’s just the way I feel. Those are my values. I don’t have to justify everything I say. If justifying is so important to you, you might try justifying why you’re disagreeing with me so much.”

From:
Conditional Reflex Therapy (New York’s Farrar, Straus, 1949), and “An Experimental Investigation of Assertive Training in A Group Setting.” S.A. Rathaus, Journal of Behaviour Therapy and Experimental Psychology, Vol.3, pg. 81-86, 1972


BEYOND SUPERHEROS: CONSTRUCTIVE POWER PLAY IN THE PRESCHOOL

Presentation by Elizabeth Miller Austin, Ed. D.
NAEYC Annual Conference


THREE DEVELOPMENTAL ISSUES RELATED TO SUPERHERO PLAY

I. Development of Separation and Autonomy:

According to Mahler’s stages of separation-individuation, the preschooler has recently developed a sense of psychological separateness for his/her parents. The child can feel vulnerable as well as elated by this new-found independence and is therefore attracted to characters who are in charge of their own lives, who operate independently and despite their vulnerabilities, successfully meet all challenges. Through the fantasy of superhero play the child can momentarily escape the reality of his/her life and pretend to need no one.

II. Development of Initiative:

In order to function effectively in the world, children need to feel comfortable with their ability to assert themselves. The development of initiative, according to Erikson, emerges out of several years of exercising intrusiveness into the world. The preschool child intrudes with incessant loud talking, endless questions, insatiable curiosity, running, jumping, climbing, and constant pushing of limits. The young child wants to know how fast, how strong, how loud, how assertive he/she can be and still be acceptable. Fantasies of superhuman powers are appealing because they resonate directly to the preschooler’s experimentation with initiative.

III. Development of Impulse Control and Management of Fears:

Young children face the dilemma of having hostile and destructive feelings aimed at the people they love and on whom they depend. At the preschool age, children have few avenues for coping with such strong emotions, so they develop a defense mechanism called projection through which they place their own aggressive feelings outside themselves onto the world. They then begin to see the world around them as filled with aggression and destruction—real and imagined. We see their fear of, and fascination with monsters, wild animals, robbers, dinosaurs, and other aggressive characters and creatures.

Children conquer their fears through their play. In superhero games that result in good prevailing over evil, the children find reassurance that the evil, hostile forces are kept under control. Either by pretending to be the scary monster or the bad guy, and thereby controlling it, or by pretending to be the good guy who overpowers the bad guy and thereby is in control, the child is working on issues of the management of aggressive, destructive impulses, internally and externally, and is dealing with his/her fears.

GUIDELINES FOR MANAGEMENT OF SUPERHERO PLAY

I. Develop a policy for your program that takes into account children’s developmental needs, parents’ concerns about unnecessary aggression, and staff’s needs for manageable activities.

II. Set appropriate limits on time, place, and behaviour for such play. Different groups need different limits; limits may need to change as the group matures.

III. Help children differentiate between fantasy and reality. Hitting is real and is not allowed.

IV. Let children know that you understand how important this play can be to them; “It sure feels good to be so strong and fast.”

V. Avoid rules that inadvertently promote children’s hiding or covering up their play; rather than forbid, redirect and guide the play toward constructive activity; avoid shame and guilt.

VI. Provide supervision and suggestions to avert deterioration of the play; be a resource, ask questions that will stimulate new avenues of play. When children run out of ideas, the play is more likely to get out of control.

VII. Be proactive! Offer alternative power play activities every day!

RESOURCES

Austin, E.M. Beyond Superheros: Reality Power Play, Preschool Perspectives. Nov. 1986, Vol. III, Issue 3.
Forman, G. & Hill, F. Constructive Play: Applying Piaget in the Preschool. Reading, Mass.: Addison-Wesley, 1984.
Fraiberg, S. The Magic Years. N.Y.: Charles Scribner & Sons, 1959.
Kostelnik, M. J. et al. Living with He-Man: Managing Superhero Play. Young Children, May 1996, Vol. 41, No. 4.
Moore, S. & Frost R. The Little Boy Book. N. Y.: Clarkson N. Potter Inc., 1986.
Paley, V. G. Boys and Girls: Superheros in the Doll Corner. Chi.: The University of Chicago Press, 1984.
Schulman, M. & Meckler, E. Bringing Up A Moral Child. Reading, Mass., Addison-Wesley, 1985.


(Prepared by Elizabeth Miller Austin, Ed.D., Early Childhood Educator & Child Psychologist, 123 Combs Rd., Easthampton, Mass., 01027. 413-584-4077)